Last week a forum was held in Milwaukee on how to help children who age out of foster care. Many never get adopted, and are on their own once they turn 18. The families who welcome foster children into their lives say it can be a struggle. But WUWM's Ann-Elise Henzl met one family who says there's a wide variety of help available to make the relationships work.
It's a bit crazy this evening at the Drankiewicz home, a modest ranch in Greenfield. Supper has just ended. Five small children are toddling around as their father Scott gets dessert ready. The family dog steals a piece of bread left on the dining room table, and no one seems to notice. And it's hard to get a few minutes alone to talk with the children's mother, Paulette.
Paulette and Scott are in their forties. They have three grown children, And have recently adopted four young ones to fill their lives. The fifth child in the home is a two-year-old foster daughter, whom Paulette and Scott also hope to adopt.
The children come from difficult backgrounds. For instance, Dante was bounced from one home to another before he was adopted. Francisco, who's three, had an especially tough start.
"Francisco was born at 25 weeks and he was on a ventilator when he was born. He had problems with his vision, very low muscle tone, he could not speak, he could not stand. Because he wasn't able to communicate that made behavioral issues, and he would head bang and just rage because he couldn't communicate," Drankiewicz says.
Paulette says a team experts has been helping Francisco catch up with his peers. And he has made dramatic improvements physically but has a way to go, developmentally. Paulette says a steady stream of therapists is working with four of the five children. Only the baby, Lily, appears not to have developmental or physical issues. Families considering adopting don't always realize how much help a child might need.
"That happens quite regularly," says Cathy Swessel, of Children's Service Society of Wisconsin.
"Many people want to believe that if I just love this child enough it'll all be OK. And that sometimes minimizes some of the issues that children bring to us as parents," Swessel says.
Swessel's organization facilitates adoptions from the foster care system. Workers prepare parents for what they're getting into.
"In many cases we also would ask that a family have some kind of contact with the type of child that they're thinking about adopting, and all of this helps them make an evaluation of themselves for is this a good match, are we asking for the right type of child, and in some cases, do we really want to do this," Swessel says.
For those who decide to adopt, there's a wealth of information available to ease the journey. A lot of it is at Adoption Resources of Wisconsin, in West Allis. CEO Colleen Ellingson shows off bookshelves lining the walls of the large lobby.
"What we're looking at today is really our extensive library of books and CDs and VHS tapes that we carry information about all of them on our website, so that families and professionals throughout the state can check out materials and we send them to them," Ellingson says.
Ellingson says the materials help people prepare for adoption and address the needs of children as they grow.
"For certainly kids who have had trauma in their lives, have had abuse and neglect happen to them, there often might be a diagnosis of depression," Ellingson says.
Ellingson says her organization keeps a list of therapists throughout the state who have expertise in adoption and foster care. Paulette Drankiewicz -- the mother of four young adopted children -- says there's so much support available to parents. She says you just have go get it.
"It takes a lot sometimes for some of these kids and you just can't give up on them," Drankiewicz says.
With her adopted baby Lily in her arms, Drankiewicz says the effort is well worth it.
"People will say to us all the time oh you're such an angel or give us all of those accolades and sometimes I feel like such a fraud because what we get from them far exceeds what we do. Day in and day out. Even if we're tired, even if we're sleepy," Drankiewicz says.
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