Play Live Radio
Next Up:
0:00
0:00
Available On Air Stations

Limericks

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill In The Blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. You can click the contact us link on our website. That's waitwait.npr.org. There, you can find out about attending our weekly live shows back at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago and our upcoming show in Cleveland, Ohio, on December 8. Hey, Cleveland.

(APPLAUSE)

ALONZO BODDEN: They're going to remember you.

SAGAL: We, Cleveland, are your consolation prize.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Hi. You're on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.

ANDREW MITCHELL: Hello. This is Andrew Mitchell from Buffalo, N.Y.

SAGAL: Buffalo, N.Y.? Finally, a place I've heard of. What do you do there in beautiful Buffalo?

MITCHELL: I work for a Tim Horton franchise.

SAGAL: Tim Horton's?

(CHEERING)

SAGAL: Now, Tim Horton's, of course, is the Canadian doughnut chain. Last decade they've been trying to come into America. What makes Tim Horton's special?

MITCHELL: Just incredible coffee, 100 percent arabica beans. And great donuts, bagels and other baked goods.

SAGAL: Mr. Horton is holding a gun to your head right now.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Well, welcome to the show, Andrew. Bill Kurtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly on two of the limericks, you'll be a big winner. Are you ready to play?

MITCHELL: I am, sir.

SAGAL: Here we go. Here is your first limerick.

BILL KURTIS: Those blue pills just get in the way. Do it wrong and they wreck the whole day. With his handy inhaler, there's less chance of failure. Yes, Viagra now comes into a...

MITCHELL: A pill?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Medically, you're correct. But it does not rhyme with day and way.

MITCHELL: Oh, wait. It comes in a spray.

KURTIS: Yes.

SAGAL: Yes, a spray.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL, APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Forget about swallowing little blue pills. Now you can just spray a Viagra equivalent in your mouth. You'll know it's working when you can't close your mouth because your tongue is starting to get excited.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: (Slurring words) Hey, sexy, let's do the nasty.

PETER GROSZ: Is it a breath spray? I thought it's nasal spray when you said spray.

GROSZ: No, it's apparently it's - scientists in Taiwan, they say it's a breath spray. And it's the same effect of Viagra. But unlike Viagra, it works in seconds, which is great news for men with ED, as Bob Dole called it, and the women who love them. The only problem is the spray only comes in sour cream and onion flavor for some reason.

(LAUGHTER)

ROXANNE ROBERTS: And if you have allergies and you, like, all of a sudden you think you've got your inhaler and you go foop (ph).

(LAUGHTER)

BODDEN: Yeah, I...

SAGAL: I don't know, it's terrible though. You grab the wrong inhaler, the next thing you know, you're flying back from the table. It's like, whoa.

(LAUGHTER)

GROSZ: I have a friend who actually did think he was taking a sleeping pill and took a Viagra.

SAGAL: Really?

GROSZ: He did not fall asleep.

(LAUGHTER)

GROSZ: That is the end of - that's the short version of that story.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here - here's your next limerick.

KURTIS: The voices say that I'm not wanted. But the rent's low, so I'm undaunted. Since I'm saying the most when my roommates a ghost, I have an app that finds homes that are...

MITCHELL: Haunted.

KURTIS: Yes.

SAGAL: Yes, haunted very good.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL, APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Spacious.hk is a new real estate site for young people looking to buy cheap homes in Hong Kong. Unlike other sites, all the homes on Spacious are for sale because the previous owner recently died. It's like Zillow for goths.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: And the reason this is important is because in Chinese culture, places where people who died are very unlucky. People don't want them. So it's a way to find, quickly, cheap housing. And not only does it list the building and the neighborhood and the price, it lists the cause of death. While that may seem gruesome, it's actually a great selling point. If the person - the prior owner died of great schools, and overdose of natural light and newly refinished wood floors.

GROSZ: It would actually be great if you moved into a place were like a very efficient house keeper died here. And she's not done with her business.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here, Andrew, is your - here is your last limerick.

MITCHELL: OK.

KURTIS: The bomb sensing tool won't get skittish. It sounds just as made up as quidditch. As security screen, use our dark, leafy green. For explosives are sensed by our...

MITCHELL: Wow.

KURTIS: It's a hard one, I know. I know. I know...

SAGAL: It is indeed.

MITCHELL: The leafy green, lettuce?

SAGAL: Yes, a kind of leafy green, but one that rhymes with skittish.

MITCHELL: Sorry, that was nerves. It's spinach.

MITCHELL: Of course, it's spinach. Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL, APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Yes. And it was nerves. I know how it gets. Spinach - researchers at MIT have engineered a new kind of spinach that wilts in the presence of explosives. This will be a huge benefit to areas that have, you know, landmine fields. And will cause a lot of false alarms where people are bad at growing spinach. The spinach is grown with special fluorescent nanoparticles in its leaves that react to the presence of explosives in the groundwater. Once detected, the leaves wilt. It's a great way to find out if your garden has landmines. Go out there, dig a lot of holes...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...Plant spinach. Remember to hoe and weed regularly. And if three months later your spinach wilts, you know there were mines.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Andrew do on our quiz?

KURTIS: With a little help from Popeye, Andrew got them all right.

MITCHELL: Yay...

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Well done, Andrew. Congratulations. It's good to talk to you.

MITCHELL: Thank you very much.

(SOUNDBITE OF R.E.M. SONG, "GARDENING AT NIGHT") Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.