There are many gatherings this month with friends, family and chosen family. Depending on your situation, these can be enjoyable or highly stressful — especially if you identify as LGBTQ and don’t have a supportive environment to come home to.
The statewide Coming Home Tour is a new partnership between Parents, Families, and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) and the Wisconsin LGBTQ History Project. Its goal is to support LGBTQ Wisconsinites and their families ahead of holiday gatherings through sharing stories of history and heritage to help people feel more grounded.
"Heritage is not something that most LGBTQ people think they have when they come out," notes Michail Takach, chair of the Wisconsin LGBTQ History Project. "We believe in preserving that heritage cycle because connecting with that heritage is tremendously important for not only the formation of a healthy sense of self, but also a healthy sense of relationships with other people in their lives."
Georgia Henry, president of PFLAG’s Milwaukee chapter, says that many people who come to chapter meetings either aren't accepted by their families, or they are trying to foster a better environment for LGBTQ people in their lives.
"There's just a lot of issues that people are afraid of when it comes to family because they love their family and they want their family to love them, they want to be a part of that family community. So it makes it very difficult for a lot of them when their families are not accepting," she notes.
As the holiday season approaches, it might be more challenging than in recent years. Henry explains that PFLAG offers tips for navigating potentially complicated family dynamics, such as avoiding discussions about politics.
"It will only lead to heartbreak and things like that," she says. "Pretty much, that's what we tell people: 'Go, have fun. Enjoy your family, but don't talk politics.'"
Takach adds that this sentiment is universal, and families are largely divided right now post-election — from rural communities like Marshfield to larger cities like Madison.
"There's this overwhelming feeling of 'now what?' And there's just this tremendous anxiety and uncertainty for the future because people who thought that they had found some advancements and some gains and some acceptance perhaps, now realize that perhaps they were not accepted as much as they thought they were," he says.
Henry says the Coming Home presentations in 11 Wisconsin communities have helped educate people about the state's local history, which many can connect with.
"That was the general consensus — 'Wow, I didn't know that all of this happened in Wisconsin.' And in a lot of ways, people are very proud of Wisconsin because of the history Michail is presenting," she says.
For anyone seeking additional resources, Takach suggests visiting the Wisconsin LGBTQ History Project website.
"Really, that's my advice — just get connected with us, and we will give you things that will be helpful in navigating your loved ones' journey and doing that in a meaningful and productive way, rather than an awkward and perhaps clumsy way," he says.
You can also find additional resources from PFLAG on the national level, as well as the Milwaukee chapter, which meets on the third Sunday of each month from August to May and on the fourth Sunday in June at Martin Luther Church in Wauwatosa. The next stop of the Coming Home tour will be in Ashland, Wisconsin, on the evening of Dec. 5 for the PFLAG Washburn-Chequamegon Bay Chapter and will focus on queer history in the Northwoods.
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