College is supposed to be a time of excitement. But what if you’re leaving behind your family, who does not have legal immigration status in the U.S.? This month’s Group Chat is a conversation between two recent high school grads and best friends who worry about leaving their parents amid President Trump’s immigration crackdowns.
Group Chat is an opportunity for people whose voices aren’t typically heard to express their own opinions. It's our monthly segment produced by WUWM’s Jimmy Gutierrez.
This conversion has been edited for length and clarity.
A: We just graduated a few weeks ago and we're going off to college. There's a lot of changes coming, some good ones and bad ones, what are you most excited for?
V: What I'm most excited for is getting to start over because obviously, since I'm the oldest, I get to be on my own for a little bit, which is also scary. But I'm excited for that because being the oldest, having to care for so much, I feel like that time is for me to breathe and be alone for a little bit and know how it is, like the true adult life.
A: What was your family's reaction when you told them that you were going to go far away for college?
V: Well, my mom she didn't stop me from going and being like, “Oh, you know, that's too far.” But my dad on the other hand was more afraid. And obviously, since he's undocumented, he was more afraid of what if I go and I don't come back. But now I think my parents had a talk, and they're like, you know, if that's what she wants, that's what's going to be. Nothing's going to change that.
A: In my experience, for my parents, was about the same. My mom was like, it doesn't matter where you go, it'll be fine. But once I told her that I was accepted, like 11 hours away, she was like, “You don't have to go if you don't want to.” But it's definitely something I want to do as the oldest again. I feel like it's a step, or an example I'm going to set for my siblings. And I want to make sure that, as the first, I'll be able to set a strong example.
V: How have your parents talked to you about what's happening with ICE? How do you talk about that?
A: They don't really tell me they're worried. They're just like, oh, this is what's happening, and this is how we should respond to it. So it's a lot of planning. My mom already gave me numbers and addresses of my aunts and my relatives. And if I need help, they're the ones I can reach out to.
V: And I get it because, yeah, we're adults, but we’re still little. So my mom shared my sister’s birth certificate, but I don’t think I should know that because that’s the point where this is real. But I shouldn't have to worry about this. Or my sister shouldn’t be worrying that they're not going to have their mom and they're still growing. I don't want that for them, you know? So it is such a big deal.
A: Have your siblings said anything about the situation at all?
V: My little sister, the 8-year-old, she didn't know what ICE was, right? So for me to explain it to her, it was difficult because she sleeps with me. At night, she says to me, “Is Mommy going to leave?”
And it's hard because I lived that and I didn't want her to see it. The first time Trump was elected, I was scared too. I was scared for my parents. And again, I'm scared. And I didn't want her to see. I don't want any of them to see that.
I just want to go to school and them not be here because I just don't want to carry that. Not because I don't love my sisters or I don't love my family, but I want to live too.
A: It's kind of the same for me. Since I am going far away, I'm scared. I feel like it's too much of a responsibility to have to be the head of a household at 18 years old. Like, hello! I just think if anything were to happen, I'm going to be so far away that it's going to be so difficult to provide my family with help or aid in some sort of way. And I'm just really scared of that.
That's one of the reasons I'm scared to go to college — because I'm going to be gone. And my mom's like, oh, it's a phone call away. But in the case of an emergency, it's not that easy.
V: I'm glad they're not to scare us, but them not making us alert of stuff makes it scarier because you don't know how they feel. And they only want to carry that weight, and you want to try to help them. And it's like, why are you not letting me?
A: And it's just so difficult on me because I want to be there, I want to help — more now because it's like my last moments with them. I feel like a necessity to do all of those things.
V: My mom recently started sharing her location, because you never know. So I'm like, are you almost here? And I'm watching her come home, and I’m looking at it — and literally five minutes later I’m looking at it again. I just want to make sure she's OK.
A: Going back a little bit to, like, your responsibilities as the oldest — when you're gone, who do you think your responsibilities would be given to?
V: My younger sister is going to turn 15, and I think she's the one that's going to take the responsibility. You know, like a little parking ticket — I did that, I had to pay for those. I did everything. So I feel like she would have to learn. That's why I'm doing a little trial run before I’m gone.
But she gets frustrated. She doesn't like to do it. And I'm like, you're going to have to do it. I'm going to leave in two months. We have to learn before I leave. And I get it because me and you — we were the people that helped our parents the most, and they didn't have to carry that responsibility. But now that responsibility is removed from our shoulders and placed on theirs.
A: And I feel kind of bad because I've done it for so long. You've done it for so long … since I was 3. Or since I could talk! My sister — she's going to turn 17 — but I've done it since we were little. It’s always “Ask your big sister, ask your big sister. She knows.”
V: And you don't really know!
A: I don't! It’s like, OK Google, how do I do this? I feel like adjusting for her is going to be very difficult at first, but again, [I am] not going to be super far away. She can always call me.
