For some people, Valentine’s Day is a nice occasion to celebrate the love in our lives; for others, it’s just another Hallmark holiday. But no matter what your personal feelings are about Feb. 14, the day can be a time to reflect on how you show up in your relationships.
Anita Astley has been a Brookfield-based marriage and family psychotherapist for twenty-five years. In her newest book, "Unf*ck Your Life and Relationships," she talks about how to build a healthy relationship with yourself and those around you the other 364 days of the year.
She emphasizes talking to your partner or loved one about your need and expectations to build a healthy relationship. "Whether we're talking about parenting, finances, physical intimacy, emotional intimacy, we need to be able to communicate," Astley says.
For Astley, emotional intimacy is when you can share what is on your mind without being afraid the other person will betray you. And this connection can be shared with anyone in your life, such as your romantic partner, close friends or family.
"From my experience, we are the least connected emotionally in working with people. And emotional intimacy is the bedrock of all healthy relationships," Astley observes. She recommends reconnecting to the basics of love and living by eating with your partner or cooking with your family.
Astley stresses that emotional intimacy will breed conflict, but it doesn't have to be negative. It can be a point to bring your relationship to a different level. "Fighting is a normal healthy part of building emotional intimacy of a relationship," she says. "We need to be able to fight with each other in a way that's healthy," she says. "But the basic things we need to be able to do is we need to be able to actively listen to each other."
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