At some point in life, you understand that your peace, joy, and success begin with releasing what holds you back. This episode of Real Stories MKE features stories about release from Cate Miller, Paul Stabell, Elaine Maly, and Michaela Lacy. Real Stories MKE is hosted by Kim Shine and Joel Dresang with support from producer Jasmine Gonzalez and audio engineer Sam Woods.
Episode transcript below from Ex Fabula's Real Stories MKE series.
Kim Shine
Welcome to Real Stories MKE, brought to you as part of Ex Fabula's mission to connect Milwaukee through real stories. I'm Kim Shine.
Joel Dresang
And I'm Joel Dresang. Ex Fabula believes that everyone has personal stories worth sharing. Ex Fabula runs workshops to help community members build storytelling skills and confidence, and it hosts StorySlams, where people tell their true stories on stage. In this episode of Real Stories MKE, we're sharing four of those powerful stories.
Kim Shine
That's right, and our theme this time is, "Release." At some point in life, it's healthy to let go of traditional ways of thinking, constructs and beliefs. You just face your past or your current path and understand that the life you want to live begins with releasing what holds you back. And I kind of feel like I'm on that mission, you know, I'm at the age or the decade in life where clarity is just hitting me from all sides. And at first it was a little uncomfortable, because I'm like, whoa. I thought I was fine, but now I don't know. Things are good.
Joel Dresang
That's great. You know, I think a lot of times people get focused on their career earlier in their lives, and one day you wake up and it's like, yeah, I need some balance, and maybe that's what you're finding now
Kim Shine
I am—
Joel Dresang
Good.
Kim Shine
Releasing it all.
Joel Dresang
That's healthy.
Kim Shine
Well, guys, we want to tell you that our stories for this episode, they're a mix of inspiration and laughter, but some of them do reference mental illness, abusive relationships, and the death of a loved one. So, we want you to listen with care and just do what's best for you.
Joel Dresang
And if you do need help, you can always text or call the 988 lifeline to talk to a caring counselor.
Kim Shine
That's right, and our first release story from this episode comes from Cate Miller. Now Cate is bipolar, and back in 2017 she shared how revealing that she had a mental illness gave her strength and made her feel less alone. Here's Cate.
Cate Miller
So, Nelson's smiling. He's Latino. Here's Nakia smiling. He's Black. Are you Black?
Nakia
I'm Black. [laughter]
Cate Miller
Okay, and I'm smiling and I'm both bipolar. How can that be? But it is, and stepping on this weird old journey where I've been hidden in plain sight my whole life, because it ain't right. It ain't right being mentally ill. You can't be mentally ill. And if you are mentally ill, you certainly can't say it. For God's sakes, my own friends say, "Well, you can't say you're mentally ill. You gotta say it like, 'Oh, I'm, you're a person with mental illness, or, you know, maybe we can put it off a little further, maybe like a survivor of psychiatric treatment.'" Okay, well, okay, for me, as a person with bipolar, I'm ready to get to the chase. Let's just, you know, call me crazy pants, but I'd just rather get treatment than screw around talking about how you call me.
Cate Miller
So, I've been on this journey trying to think about coming out. Now this is a closet that's pretty d--n deep, and I've been in it for a whole long time. When I was a little kid, I used to go to camping trips, you know, like everybody else. And no matter where I went, I don't know about you guys, but no matter where I went, I went to Michigan, I went to Wisconsin, everywhere I went, there was a freaking mental hospital just right over the hill, and there was some freaking nut job escaping from it. And, you know, actually, I didn't know they were talking about me. No, I really didn't.
Cate Miller
So, I've come to the point where I've decided, well, I'm sixty-freaking-five years old, and you know what? It ain't doing anybody any good not to talk about this straightforward. The more we distance ourselves from the truth, the farther we distance ourselves from solutions. So, I've decided to come out, and I have not been welcomed. Oh, well, so be it. [unintelligible] Anyway.
Cate Miller
So, you know, it's been hard, because when I was a kid, I don't know, 30 or so, I came out to my best friend, and it didn't go so well. Any kind of bump in the road after that was my fault. After all, I was the nut job, right? I mean, gosh, of course. And then I came out in a women's group, kind of not so much. I got shunned. It was truly a life changing experience. And I've definitely gotten into the meditational, kind of, monastic kind of lifestyle, but I decided: I'm sixty-freaking-five years old. If I don't do this now, when the freak am I gonna do it? I may not be around in 15 years. I hope so. I'm not pessimistic. Despite being bipolar, I'm not pessimistic.
Cate Miller
So, I've been through ups and downs, ins and arounds. I've had changes of heart, but I've decided I'm going for it. I'm going to talk about being mentally ill, and I'm going to say that I am mentally ill, just as I can say I'm diabetic, because it's true.
Kim Shine
That was Cate Miller, and we have an update from Cate in this episode. She says, "The follow up would be that I would like to continue speaking about my experience with mental illness. I have more to say than five minutes allows. Now, of course, I want to address stigma but also talk about what it's like to live with a mental illness, what works and what doesn't work, how you can live a relatively normal life with a mental health diagnosis."
Joel Dresang
Our next release story comes from Paul Stabell. Paul came out about his sexuality in his early 20s. After years of serial dating, he shared how a tough part of his youth helped him leave an abusive relationship and find lasting love. He told his story at a 2025 StorySlam with the theme Second Chances. Here's Paul.
Paul Stabell
So, I should have listened to my gut. I came out when I was 21 years old, and I hit the gay bars running. I was never really slutty like that, and I'm not a big one-night stand kind of guy, but I became a serial dater. I would date somebody for a month or two and then dump them. Next. And I did this for a while, actually a long, long while, close to five years. Then I went back to school. I decided I was going to, you know, kind of try again, and went back to school full time. Was working full time. Didn't work out real well for me, and I just needed to go out. So, I went out with a bunch of friends to the bars and was dancing. Met this guy, his friend of friends, and what have you, not my type, not my type at all. A little too corporate. Wore a polo to the club. It was just kind of like, all right, whatever. Couldn't dance. Just not my thing. But the next day, my friend said, "This guy really likes you."
Paul Stabell
And I'm like, "Okay, fine, like, I'll give him a shot." You know, I had not much going on, you know, other than school and work and everything, so I, I went out with him, and it's not, it wasn't happening. Yeah, and yeah, it wasn't happening. And I, but I did. I kept going with it, because this is what I did. You know, I just kind of tried it out, tried it out, exhausted it. And I, a pattern had emerged during these five years of serial dating where I, three months, you got three months, and if you couldn't make it happen in three months, next. I broke up with a guy on our, on the night of our third month anniversary, right after the dinner, just like, "Nope, we're done." So yeah, not always been a nice person.
Paul Stabell
So, so this guy was done, he was done, and I dumped him and, fine. Three days later, he calls me, and we're on the phone for two hours, and I finally said, "Fine, let's, let's try this again." And I should have known. It was two hours and I didn't say yes because I liked him or that this was, I thought this was going to happen. He wore me down. He wore me down. So, we stayed together for another two and a half years.
Paul Stabell
I had been molested for a lot of years, as a child. I watched my stepfather beat the [bleep] my mother a couple of times a month. I knew what abuse looked like. So, I had an idea of what abuse looked like, I guess we should say. I wasn't prepared for gaslighting. I wasn't prepared for manipulation and control, and I couldn't understand why, all of a sudden, I was starting to feel less cute, less fun, less smart, like I wasn't capable of doing anything without another person telling me what to do or how to do it.
Paul Stabell
And so luckily, I was volunteering at a clinic, and there was another volunteer there who needed clinic hours, and so I got some therapy for free, and he finally told me, "You're not here because you're dealing with your past. You're here because you need to figure out how to break up with this guy." And I finally did, and it, it broke me a little, and uh, I didn't realize how it had broken me. And it, it took a lot of time to—I actually had to, like, pay it forward. I paid that abuse forward in ways that I didn't think I was capable of, in ways that I will never be able to atone for. But the happy ending is that I did finally break that three-month cycle, and I did have longer relationships, and I, I finally got somebody to put a ring on it. And [applause] yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's, it's been 20 years. So, yeah, yeah. So, yeah. And so, when I did kind of blow up my life as a result of past trauma and what have you, I was the one who got a second chance. So, thank you.
Joel Dresang
That was Paul Stabell, and we've got an update from Paul, too. He says, "I really responded to Ex Fabula's way of calling the StorySlam a 'Brave Space.' Sharing my story that night felt like the first brave thing I had done in a very long time, and it was wonderful to know that I still had the guts to do something scary." That's nice.
Kim Shine
That is. So, Joel, how about some UltraShorts?
Joel Dresang
Let's do that!
Kim Shine
Remind the folks what they are.
Joel Dresang
UltraShorts are very tiny stories that people write on little slips of paper at our events, and hosts will read them on stage.
Kim Shine
Yeah, and right now, we're your hosts. So here we go. I got one from Nathaniel: "I always knew I was bi or pan but didn't feel comfortable expressing myself. Hiding behind the part of me that is attracted to the opposite sex was easy and safe. After a bad breakup, though, a hot male bartender made me feel so safe to experiment that I let go of my fear and embraced my discomfort. I'll never hide again."
Joel Dresang
Never hide again. I have an UltraShort here from anonymous: "I've always been afraid of failing, and being an athlete, you make mistakes often. I had been struggling with becoming so self-conscious that it was affecting my mental health. One game, I decided to just let go of my fears, and I played the best game I've ever played."
Kim Shine
Just gotta let go. This one's from Green and Growing: "I'm learning to let go of the things that are no longer serving me, just like the weeds that need to be pulled from the garden. I am removing the things from my life that stop my growth."
Joel Dresang
Kim, I've got another UltraShort from Eric: "When I was younger, I suffered from debilitating shyness. In order to overcome this, I became active in theater. I was a horrible actor, but the experience of performing in front of strangers and being a part of a community of courageous people helped me come out of my shell. Now I'm almost courageous enough to perform at Ex Fabula." Come on! Listen to what Paul Stabell said! It's a brave space.
Kim Shine
Yes, come on out. We'd love to see you. Our next release story comes from Elaine Maly. Now back at a 2015 Slam, Elaine shared a hilarious tale of coming clean during confessional, seeking penance for her sons and maybe for herself. Here's Elaine.
Elaine Maly
My sons committed a heinous crime. They were about eight and four, and they stole a whole pile of candy from the Kohl's grocery store on our block, which they had cleverly hidden in a heap underneath my car. This really bothered me. I did not want my children to grow up to be criminals, and I felt like, if I didn't do something about it, I would be a bad mom. So, we filled up a paper grocery bag full of the stuff, and I marched them down the block to the grocery store, and I told them to apologize and to give the stuff back. And they gave it to the lady behind the service counter, and they muttered sorry, and she said, "This is a very serious thing you've done, and you are banned from this store for two weeks." They merely shrugged their shoulders and nothing more.
Elaine Maly
This wasn't enough for me. I wanted a heartfelt apology. I wanted tears. I wanted them to understand how wrong this was. That not only was this a criminal offense, this was a sin, a sin up there with the big ones, stealing. So, I dragged them down the block the other way to our church. Immaculate Conception.
Elaine Maly
It was Saturday morning, and confession was open. The church was empty except for me and my two boys. So, to set a good example. I went into the confessional first, which, if you're Catholic, you know a confessional is kind of like an upright coffin, and it's hard, and I hadn't been there in a long time. But when the priest on the other side of the confessional said, "Welcome, child," I knew I was in luck. This was Half-Hour Schmidtbauer, the guy who said the world's fastest Masses.
Elaine Maly
So, I began as I was taught. "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. My last confession was, oh, wow, a long time ago." I said, "I don't know, eight or 10 years ago."
Elaine Maly
And he said to me, "Whoa, did you bring your lunch?"
Elaine Maly
I giggled a little, but I said, "No." I said, "I don't even really know where to start."
Elaine Maly
And he said, "Don't worry, I'll help you." And he starts going through the long list of regulations of good Catholic behavior, and I'm answering them, no, yes, rarely, once or twice, maybe. And then he hits me with the big one: "Have you had sex outside of the sanctity of marriage?"
Elaine Maly
I was 26 years old then, I'd been divorced for four years. I had a boyfriend. I said, "Well, yes, but I'm not sorry for that." Because the worst thing I could do as a Catholic was lie in the confessional.
Elaine Maly
So, he said, "Well, Elaine, why aren't you sorry?"
Elaine Maly
And I said, "Well, I can't say I'm sorry. I'm just probably going to do it again later tonight."
Elaine Maly
And he said, "Well, do you think, Elaine? Do you think—" And he's saying, Elaine, and I'm like, oh, crap, he knows who I am. And he says, "Do you, do you think that Gluttony is a sin?"
Elaine Maly
I said, "Gluttony? You mean like eating too much?" And let me tell you, Father Schmidtbauer was no skinny guy. And I said, "Well, what, you know, eating too much?"
Elaine Maly
And he said, "Yeah, you know, eating too much is self-indulgent." And I said, he said, "That's what it is to have sex outside of the sanctity of marriage." And I said, yeah, but, and he says, "Just a minute, I have to, I'm in charge of lunch today. I have to go check the meatloaf."
Elaine Maly
And he leaves me in the confessional and in the mean—now I can hear the kids are clunking their Nikes on the pews. I can hear them muttering, "How long is this gonna take?" So, I'm realizing I'm going to have to compromise on this, or I am never going to get out of this confessional.
Elaine Maly
So, he eventually comes back and I say, "Okay, okay, okay, I'm sorry for the sin of self-indulgence. But what really brought me here today in the first place—" and I explain about my kids and their heinous crime and how I wanted to impress them.
Elaine Maly
And he says, "Okay, fine, I'll take care of it. You have 12 rosaries as your penance."
Elaine Maly
I send in the kids. They're in and out in 30 seconds. Ben comes clunking back in the queue—pew. And he says, "Mom, how do you say hallowed Marys? I have to do three."
Kim Shine
That was Elaine Maly. Now, as for an update, we do have one from her, and she says, "I am proud to say that neither of my sons ever stole anything again—" I guess it worked! "—and they are doing a great job of keeping their own sons on the straight and narrow."
Joel Dresang
And Elaine is on the straight and narrow too, I'm sure.
Kim Shine
She is, and we love seeing her at the slams too, basically every slam that I've ever attended. So, if you come to one, you got to say hi,
Joel Dresang
Yes. Our final release tale comes from Michaela Lacy. Michaela's story is one where release and inspiration go hand in hand. She tells of coming out as queer to her great grandmother, the grief of losing her, and then finding another safe space within a local Milwaukee nonprofit. Michaela took the stage in 2023 at AfterDark: For the Culture, an ongoing collaboration between Ex Fabula and HYFIN, Radio Milwaukee's urban alternative station. AfterDark: For the Culture highlights true stories from people of color. Here's Michaela.
Michaela Lacy
Hi, everybody. Thank you. I'm really honored to be here and really honored to be sharing my story to this theme, "For the Culture." Every time I think of culture, I think of community. And so, this is a story about the community, one of the communities that I hold dearest in my heart, and that is Public Allies Milwaukee. As stated in my bio, I am a proud Public Allies alum, and if it were not for Public Allies, I would not be standing in front of you all today. So, it is important to me that any stage that I step on, I indicate how important they were to my life, Public Allies was to my life, and is to my life.
Michaela Lacy
So, I'm queer, and I'm really proud of myself, because there was a point in time in my life where I was nervous to say that out loud. But I've taken a journey, a journey that I am really proud of, a journey that is my own to claim, a journey that I am not ashamed of, and I have had multiple coming out stories, so I feel that for the culture, I'm going to share those multiple coming out stories.
Michaela Lacy
So, I'm going to take it back to 2013, um, I remember being in my great-grandmother's room, my grandmother, who is a very God-fearing Southern woman, and coming out to her and telling her that I was queer. And I knew that if I came out to my great-grandmother, there was nobody in the world that I should be afraid to coming out to, because if my great-grandmother accepts me, it doesn't matter who accepts me at this point. So, I remember my great-grandmother, in her very Christian way, told me that she loved me and that she accepted me, and that if she had to distract Jesus so that I could sneak inside of Heaven, that somehow, someway, she was gonna get me to Heaven and—thank you.
Michaela Lacy
And when she passed, I felt that there was nowhere in the world where I would be accepted again and I would feel the love of someone who was willing to fight with herself, fight inside of herself, to be in the intersection of a religion that sometimes tells you that you can't meet people where they are, but only accept people where God says they should be, and also this deep love for her great-granddaughter. And so, when she passed, I feared that that love would not be present in my life anymore.
Michaela Lacy
But then in 2020, I joined Public Allies, and I came out again, and this time there was no apologies. There was no shame. There was a certain safety that I felt that I didn't have to apologize for, and there was a certain confidence that I had that really stuck with me and really moved me.
Michaela Lacy
And it's interesting because within the same community, with different faces, very recently, I came out again, and I named that, despite being able to be honest about my queerness and open with my sexuality, I felt that there was a calling for me to be queer and quiet. And I feel like oftentimes, in spaces where I was partially accepted for being queer, there was an expectation for me to be queer and quiet about it.
Michaela Lacy
There was a certain exhale that my family took when I entered a relationship with a cis man, and then I felt that same love with Public Allies again when I said, I don't want to be queer and quiet anymore. I want to be loud, and I want to be safe, and I want to be loved. And I was encouraged deeply by Public Allies to stand in my truth and to be honest about who I was and unapologetic.
Michaela Lacy
And I remembered that. And that is the reason why I am up here right now, telling you at the forefront that I am queer because of the love that I felt, and I know that I'm just so thankful, because even though my great-grandmother is not here anymore, I have never been absent of that love.
Joel Dresang
That was Michaela Lacy.
Kim Shine
Well, Joel, and everybody who is listening, and we love you guys so much, but unfortunately, that is all the time we have for this episode of Real Stories MKE. You guys already know that Ex Fabula's been doing this since 2009 and there are more audio stories and video, everything available at exfabula.org/radio.
Joel Dresang
That's right. The Ex Fabula website lists upcoming storytelling workshops and StorySlams. Check it out. Attend an event, maybe we'll get to hear one of your stories. You can also connect with Ex Fabula on Facebook and Instagram, and you can keep up with Real Stories MKE wherever you get podcasts.
Kim Shine
Thanks to everyone who makes this program possible, including Ex Fabula staff, the storytellers, our producer Jasmine Gonzalez, and audio engineer Sam Woods. We also want to thank the AB Korkor Foundation for Mental Health, the Lacey Sadoff Foundation, the Herzfeld Foundation, and all of the supporters of our community storytelling work.
Joel Dresang
For Real Stories MKE, I'm Joel Dresang.
Kim Shine
And I'm Kim Shine. Consider being brave, releasing it all, and telling your story. Thanks for listening.
